The Full Moon Was Tonight...

Moon Tarot Card, Source Unknown. Please notify me if you can identify the artist or deck this is from!

Tonight is the Full Moon, and man, here in Tulsa we usually have some spectacular sunsets, and with the moon rising against the pastels and fire of the setting sun, today was no exception. I wish I had a camera that could have captured it adequately.

For me, the full moon is bursting with opportunities and filled with the energy I need to move forward towards goals and with projects. I've never been one to attend rituals ( I've only ever gone to two full moon rituals, and they sadly didn't go well for me, due to what I suppose I can only say are spiritual or energy blocks) and as I am still settling in to a new home, I have yet to set up an altar either inside or outside. So for this Full Moon, I'm choosing to do a couple of tarot layout I have yet to try, and that I feel are appropriate for my personal way of celebrating the Fullest Reflection of the sun's light onto the earth at night. Space juice, y'all. Moonlight is space juice for my spirit.

The first of the two spreads I have selected is a spread I found at Sybarite Tarot, the Setting Intentions spread. I also have selected one that I found on Pinterest but that is credited to Lavender-moon.com, although I wasn't able to locate the spread on that site. ( I may not have spent long enough looking, however.) THAT spread is the a Light in The Dark spread.

So, without further ado, let us get to it, shall we?

1. The Seed - your intention: The King of Questing (Wands), Reversed. Severity, honesty, Subordination.

2. Hesitation - fears stopping you from planting: Ten of Pattern (Coins). Stability, Riches, Abundance, Prosperity, Enrichment.

3. Push It In The Ground - overcoming fears and waiting: Knight of Questing (Wands). Conflict, Haste, Inspired Creativity, Expression, Concentration, Expansion.

4. Taking Root - how your intention will become reality: The Hierophant. Morality, learning, teaching, Wisdom, the Sacred, Initiator, Challenge, Commitment, Intention, Focus, Spirit, Remembrance, Resolution, Consultation, Counseling, Conformity, Society, Orthodoxy.

5. & 6. Bring It To The Surface - ways to nurture your intention and make it work for you: Five of Questing (Wands): Strife, Competition, Obstacles, Anxiety, Frustration, Freneticism, Hyperactivity; and The Devil: Bondage, Materialism, Fetters, Sensation, Bedevilment, Temptation, Degradation, Domination. 

As usual, we cannot take the cards at their face value - these keyword meanings help, but from them and their positions within the layout, I have to sort out what it all means to ME. This is where, as I always say, the inner storyteller must come out, and construct the story from the bones revealed by the cards. My inner counselor also wakes up, although when I am reading for myself I find it very difficult to give myself an unbiased session. This is why reading for others is so satisfying, to me, because I can step into my role as counselor and give aid to those who need insight. 

But back to it! My Seed Card, my intention, is represented by the King of Wands in Reverse. Perhaps, given his keywords, he is my intention to be a better, stronger self this year. I want to cast aside my depression and anxiety in order to be a more whole self. My Hesitation Card is The Ten of Coins, a card I am typically apprehensive about because it just feels slimy to me, I can't explain why. But it describes my hesitation as perhaps a fear of the loss of the card's attributes - losing the stability we have trying to to reach for something more. And since the reversal of the card talks about greed, that thought isn't too far fetched. So now to overcome my hesitations and fears, the Knight of Questing arrives, describing a situation that doesn't seem to be related to overcoming anything, with conflict, haste paired with inspired creativity, expression...oh, hey, I know this dance - this is me in my daily life, using my usual coping mechanisms for dealing with depression, anxiety, and a mild form of OCD. So perhaps the card is suggesting I keep on keepin' on, and maintain my coping mechanisms. let's see if that thought hold up as we move on to Taking Root - The Hierophant is a card that talks about the moral right, and in fact once upon a time the card was named The Pope, which speaks to its  symbolism further. But aside form its moral high horse, the Hierophant is also about wisdom, commitment, moving forward (taking initiative), intention, focus, and spirit. He tells me that in order for my goals to be come reality, for my intention to manifest, I need to take the steps to make it happen, and follow through with them - always sound advice. Finally, how do I nurture my intention? Well, The Five of Wands says I should be competitive, and work hard, while the Devil speaks about bondage, materialism, temptation - I'd take that as a warning to stay focused, not to stray from my path, be competitive and focused on my goal, and not walk willingly in to a trap of my own design by allowing myself to be distracted.

1. What is the darkness I'm avoiding? Six of Questing (Wands): Victory, Success, Advancement, Revitalization, Energy, Expansion.

2. How has it been affecting me? King of Pattern (Coins), Reversed: Perversity, Misuse, Speculation, Waste.

3: How has it been affecting others? Justice, Reversed: Injustice, Bias, Inequality, Prejudice.

4. What about it can I use to help me? Eight of Questing (Wands), Reversed: Inactivity, Dispute, Quarrels, Procrastination, Covert Communication.

5. What has the potential to hurt me? Four of Pattern (Coins), Reversed: Setback, Loss, poverty, Legacy

6. How can I heal myself? King of Primordialism (Cups): Power, Emotional Loyalty and Commitment, Spontaneity, Ego, Generosity, Responsibility.

7. What light can I use to balance it (the darkness) out? Nine of Questing (Wands), Reversed: Obstacle, Adversity, Opposition.

So now we come to the A Light In The Dark Spread. Where the previous spread was shining the light of the full moon on my goals and intentions, this spread shines a light on the things I may desire to keep hidden. We all carry some shadow in our hearts, some darkness in our souls that might be a source of shame, something we fear, or perhaps a hidden desire that we feel is too big to let into the light. Let's explore that with this spread, and see what comes up.

So what AM I avoiding? According to the Six of Wands, I'm avoiding my own success, avoiding taking the steps I need to take to be what I have always wanted to be. This speaks directly to the previous reading. How has it been affecting me? Naturally, when you avoid becoming your whole self, you live in a place filled with perversity and waste. The King of Coins says that when you avoid the truth of who you are, you create a chaotic life for yourself. This, too, speaks not only to my previous reading but also to my actual life. How has it been affecting others? When you live a life contradictory to your intentions, you not only create chaos for yourself, but also for others. You begin to blame things other than yourself for your situation, in order to have excuses for why you haven't become YOU yet. The Justice card here means that those around you have to deal with your denial of self, self hatred, which can look a lot like you are treating people unjustly and with bias s you ignore your own faults and become hypocritical, prejudiced. What about it can I use to help me? All that bad behavior leads ot a lot of fighting and can mean you spend a lot of time with your lips at your confidant's ear - I read the Eight of Questing as saying that instead of perpetuating the nastiness, it is time to flip the script and put your ear to your confidant's lips - they probably have some good advice to help lead you away form the person you created as your self while you hid from your own truth. Who has the potential to hurt me? The Four of Coins talks about setbacks and loss, which to me indicate backsliding in to old comfortable patterns of thought and behavior, meaning that the one person capable of hurting you here is YOU. How can I heal myself? The King of Cups is here - the King of the house of emotion, love, family, health and growth - to remind you that you have the power to heal yourself. Be emotionally loyal to yourself, commit to the new path you must forge to be responsible and become the whole self you desire to be. What light can I use to balance it ( the darkness) out? The Nine of Wands is the card I like to call the boy scouts card - be prepared, it says! Reversed, it talks of Obstacles, adversity and opposition - these are all things we face on the road to well being, and most especially in ourselves, caused by ourselves. What is the light here? It's a warning to be prepared for the struggles ahead on the long road to a whole and happy self. It's a reminder that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Well, for me, the Full Moon has been about reflection and setting goals for my future. What was yours about? Please feel free to comment below.

Bone Throwing

I have been fascinated since childhood by bone throwing, or bone casting, a form of divination where bones of various sorts are ritually tossed onto a mat, an animal hide, or into a circle drawn in the dirt, and the resulting patterns interpreted. 

Throwing the bones is an ancient practice traditional to many regions of the world, including Africa, Asia, and North America. The number and type of bones employed, as well as the inclusion of other small objects, such as pebbles, shells, and hard nuts, varies quite a bit from culture to culture. 

Recently I began to put together a bone and curio set of my own. I have created one once before, but sadly didn't think to make any record of the collection. Perhaps one day I can get some photos of it. Below are photos of the beginnings of my set - there is no rule regarding the number of items that one should use, and from what I have read of other's journey with bone throwing, the collections tend to change over time, growing and shrinking as needed. 

In my current collection, I have: 

* two long bones that I believe are from deer skeletons,

* a cow tooth,

* a knuckle bone,

* a vertebrae, intact,

* a broken and weathered vertebrae,

* three teeth, possibly coyote,

* a small cluster of clear quartz,

* a small half-geode,

*  smoky quartz point,

* two clear quartz points,

* a diamond-shaped quartz or calcite chunk,

* a  rectangular quartz or calcite piece, semi-transparent,

* a cork,

* a sliced section of spiral shell,

* a piece of mother of pearl shaped like an arrow,

* a piece of slate I carved into a rabbit over 20 years ago, 

* a broken obsidian arrowhead, 

* a pink barnacle or anemone skeleton,

* a sterling silver dragon pendant,

* a weathered spiral shell,

* a piece of shell that is filled with holes,

* a pierced-heart pot-metal charm.

* an evil eye pot-metal charm,

* a pot-metal arm charm, and

* a pot-metal leg charm.

Each of these items will, after careful consideration, have a meaning or symbolism assigned to them, and when tumbled on to a mat (probably a piece of black leather) will tell a story based on their positions and groupings. I made sure to include items in my collection that will help me tell time; the long bones will likely indicate things coming or going over a long period of time, whereas the small mother of pearl arrow will indicate short time periods, and the broken arrowhead will symbolize aborted actions; things that were coming or going but now are not.

I have some stones coming in that I ordered specifically for this collection, some phantom quartz stones; one with green phantom inclusions, one with sulfur-yellow inclusions. I think I will use the green to indicate health or growth, and the yellow one to indicate sickness.

I intend to keep a small journal with my set; I will draw each item and write down what it signifies there, as well as a log of each reading done using the set. This way I can track its patterns and what messages I get from its use, and maybe find a way to teach  others how to build and use their own collections one day.

Eight Card Spread for K.O.

Past, Present, Future

Past: The King of Dynamism (Swords): Judgement, Counsel, Wisdom, Focus, Intention, Concentration

Present: The Four of Primordialism (Cups): Dissipation, Contemplation, Emotional Luxury, Satisfaction, Apathy

Future: The Three of Dynamism (Swords), Reversed: Compromise, Disorder, Confusion, Delay

The Issue, The Issue's Background, You Now, Environment and People Related to the Issue, The Solution/Most Likely Outcome

The Issue: The Three of Primordialism (Cups), Reversed: Pleasure, Liberality

The Issue's Background: The Ace of Primordialism (Cups): Breakthrough, Life-force, Open Heart, Spiritual Heart, Expression

You Now: The Queen of Pattern (Coins), Reversed: Neglect, Dependence, Lack, Misuse

Environment and People Related to Issue: The Star: Inspiration, Confidence, Self-Esteem, Talent, Guidance

The Solution/Most Likely Outcome: The Queen of Dynamism (Swords):Perception, Confidence, Rational, Objective, Consulting Intelligence

The Explanation

So, in the eight card spread, there are actually 3 cards that represent the past: the Past Card, the Issue Card, and the Issue's Background Card. They inform one another and tell a story that takes us to the issue which resides both in the past and present - it is an issue now, but has roots in the past. In this reading, the Past Card is describing a strong male figure, someone who may have been someone the client looked up to or learned from, possibly a lover or romantic character, but also just as possible a teacher or parent or spiritual leader. The Issue's Background Card describes a personal, emotional breakthrough or realization. Something big and important to the client, something they wish to share openly and wholeheartedly. 

In this spread, there are 3 cards that represent the present: The Present Card, the You Now Card, and the Environment and People Related to the Issue Card. They give the part of the client's story that resides in the here and now. Here, the Present Card is saying that the client is or has been emotionally selfish, focused only on their own feelings and need for satisfaction, and apathetic towards others. The You Now Card, on the other hand, speaks to perhaps why the client has been in this state; it describes a person who has been emotionally neglected, who is dependent on others, but has been cast aside and perhaps abused.

Only 2 cards here represent the future: the Future Card and the Solution/Most Likely Outcome Card. The Future Card implies that there will be much compromise ahead, a time of confusion, disorder, and delays. The Solution/Most Likely Outcome Card describes a more positive outlook; it describes a person who has found their confidence, and is of a objective and rational mind, facing the world before them. Paired together, they make me think that the client will go through some struggle, and that their goals may not be met fully or on the timeline they had set for them, but that they will emerge on the other side a stronger more confident person. 

To summarize, the client is facing a rough time ahead, involving someone important to them, and although they may have recently only been focused on themselves and their own feelings due to the actions of that other person (or persons), the situation will come to a head and the client will find that they will have become a stronger, more whole self in the process.

Now, whether the other person (or persons) will accept the new person that the client is going to become, I cannot say. 

I have a Ko-Fi Page

I did a thing, so now I have a ko-fi page, where if you like what I am doing, you can donate a cup of coffee to me! It's sort of a 'tip jar' for people like me, who need support to keep doing what they do best.

My Ko-Fi Page !

More blog posts to come - I'll be posting again later today to show a Thanksgiving layout I'm going to try.

Tarot and a Little bit of Voodoo

Welcome back yet again to Ouroboros Tarot: The Blog!

Today’s offering is a transcript (edited for spelling, grammar, formatting, and changing the client’s name to Querent, and another person they mention to simply ‘K’) of an online reading I did recently.

The client is an old friend of mine, but we live in different states. Sometime in the last year we realized that we both have something to offer the other in regards to our respective spiritualities, and she has become a regular -ish client of mine.

Both of us study, explore and practice (to different degrees) Voodoo. You’ll see in our conversation some references to that. When she mentions a 'they' in the conversation, she is referring to the orisha - or iwa, of voodoo, which are sort of like a pantheon of gods. One god sits over all the others, and they vary widely in attitude, ability, and rank. Legba, or Papa Legba, is one I have worked with for quite some time now, but with whom she is just building a relationship with. Obatala I have yet to deal with, but he sits high in her house. There are others, but i felt perhaps to understand our conversation it would be best to mention all of this now, for context's sake.

Please follow along as we walk through the reading pictured below. I used my ‘standard’ 8 card spread, because it lends itself well to ‘blind’ readings such as these, when the client isn’t present to shuffle the deck, and I have to shuffle for them.
Note: I am having formatting issues and the text color keeps going weird. my apologies.

Me: Ok, so let's get to it.

Querent: Interesting layout by the way.

Me: Oh, it's the usual 8 card, I just had to smoosh it onto my teeny table.
Querent: Oh ok.

Me: So: your Past card is the Seven of Cups, reversed. { Yes, dear readers, I know that is wrong, but I do catch it later, so bear with me!} That means determination and realization...we know that about you. In the Present position you have Strength. Which of course means, well, strength, but also passion, creativity, risk-taking, regeneration, overcoming fears, lustiness (hahaha!,) trust in own abilities, confidence, intuition; again, kinda knew that already. In the Future position, we have The Sun, reversed, which represents a time of depletion, draining, and retrogression. Okay, so that's our top three - a general Past, Present, Future. Let's go deeper. So for the Issue card, you got The Moon. The "Girl, you crazy" card. No, for real though, she means: intuition, femininity, receptivity, reflection, mystery, enigma, revelation of the true nature. Sometimes she can indicate lunacy and romance, but I dunno about that here. The Reason Behind the Issue is the Ten of Cups, reversed. It means wanting, need, and/or lack. The card representing you right now, in this moment, is The Emperor. He’s all about the right and wrong of LAW. So, not the right and wrong dictated by faith. He represents government, leadership, power, decisions, action.

Querent: A rare me.

Me: Yup. Same. So then the people around you and the environment you're in regarding this issue are represented by the Nine of Wands, the 'be prepared' card. So it would indicate that your support system is prepared to circle the wagons around you if need be. That's good. Your final card is The World. The final card is the Solution or Most Likely Outcome, and she's reversed. She means sloth, incompletion, limitation, restriction, negation; that lines up with your Future card well - drained, etc. - so now we need to connect the dots.

Querent: Ok.

Me: In the past, you had...shit. I  read a card wrong earlier! Your past card is the Three of Cups, not the Seven. Ugh. Sorry. The Three of Cups reversed means pleasure and liberality, paired with the Reason Behind the Issue, the Ten of Cups: wanting, need, lack, leading to the Issue, The Moon.

Querent: Ok.

Me: So like, your past paired with your desire for something you miss or need, led you to the The Moon state, maybe seeking to reveal your true nature, etc.

Querent: That definitely.

Me: Your Present cards both line up really well, with your Strength (confidence, etc.) paired with your Emperor aspects.

Querent: I broke off with the stagnation of ‘K’ for that.

Me: Yup. Your present support system is also super good, so your present is awesome.

Querent: But we are still friends. She doesn’t see us really changing. Whatever that means.

Me: That’s good. But the future seems a bit deflated. I’m gonna say that maybe you need to avoid falling into old habits that enable you to go off track, and end up in a rut. I mean, the Sun and the World are GREAT cards, usually, and I would have expected them to be upright for you. It would make more sense, but I think there's something we're not seeing that could trip you up. To be honest, I think your Achilles’ heel is your love life.

Querent: Always. I’m trying to stop that. I’ve decided to not date for six months. Furthering the celibacy I’ve been forced into.

Me: So I drew another card, to see if I could see the unseen thing. Got the Tower, upright. The Tower means purification, ambition, restoration, renovation, change, restructuring, awakening, healing, expansion, authenticity, building, designing, alignment - it often is an indicator of a big change to come. As always, focus focus focus.

Querent: Yeah. I need to.

Me: So do the thing

Querent: I’ve just got connection with Legba.

Me: Just remember - he doesn't steer you in any direction but to the crossroads. You choose the path from there.

Querent: True. I find this all frustrating. I’m tired now!

Me: Hehehe!

Querent: I’m trying to figure out what to do.

Me: Yep. He’s exhausting. I should make you a necklace; crossroads keys are my specialty.

Querent: That’ll be good. Make it red. Charge it if you can. I’ll pay for it.

Me: Ok. I always charge ‘em. You'll just have to do a personal dedication once you get it so it's a deal between you and Papa.

Querent: Cool thank you.

Me: Lord knows he knows I don't need as many as I make. But I still take my lumps. He brings me to every decision now with a slap in the face! "You asked for it!"

Querent: I want to be the best I can be at this.

Me: You will be.

Querent: They are taking over the house!

Me: Take it back! They will walk all over you, but it’s YOUR house.

Querent: At the same time I care for ‘K’ and I’ll be her friend. Yeah this is true - I’m going to take charge again.

Me: Do it. That's the ‘rare you’ the Emperor is talking about; the ‘take charge, my house, my law’ you.

Querent: Obatala can run it. The rest are less and they know it. Obatala is law. I wonder what is about to happen.

Me: Well if it had been reversed, it might be bad. But it was upright so it just  means whatever it is, it's coming FAST.

Querent: So something is fast approaching and I’ll have the support team to assist me. I’m thinking death.

Me: Well, it's always possible. But if I keep drawing cards the deck just lies - we are cherry picking.

Querent: Ok. I wish I could scry.

Me: Whatever it is, it's either the excuse to allow yourself to slip into bad habits, or something bad enough to leave you drained.

Querent: ‘K’. I did do a purification bath which left me feeling better.

Me: Good.

Querent: We did agree to revisit being together at a later time. A root-working friend said she sees us getting back together in six months. I’m not holding my breath.

Me: Well, I'm no seer or sage, so I can't predict that sort of thing - plus humans are weird creatures.

Querent: Starting and staying on course would have been easier in my youth in hindsight.

Me: Oh yeah. But that's why it's hindsight.

Querent: Ok: to overcome my Venus nature and sit on it. I’m really good at the love game but I actually want to be loved back in the way I need. Also I don’t want to blow this.

Me: Yeah.

Querent: Student loans. I need to call them tomorrow. Maybe them.

Me: Yeesh. I hope not.

Querent: Me too, shit.

Me: Ok. I need to be up early, I gotta go to bed. Do the thing, be positive, you can do it.

Querent: Alright. Thank you!

...And there ends our session. It is a short read, but it took much longer to actually have it, as I was working with the cards, and typing everything out to her. I hope that you, my readers, will perhaps come away form this transcript with some knowledge of how I attempt to connect the dots between the cards in a layout to help tell a client their story. This particular client needs little leading to get to the connections on her own, so it may seem a little bare bones. With other clients I might spend much more time spelling out how the cards relate to one another in regard to their situation.

Well, until next time, folks! I hope to make next time very soon.

Messages From the Lost Spread Part 2

So, a long while back, I mentioned that I'd be doing a Messages From the Lost Spread with my older brother in mind. The spread is a simple 5 card spread, with a card for Spirit, then one each for the elements. I got the spread from an online friend, and this is the spread she used to ask for a message from her recently deceased niece. After pulling the cards, I'm not so certain its a message coming form my older brother, but it could be someone else I've lost, and to me, Lost doesn't necessarily mean dead.

I think I'd like to try an experiment here. I will not do any interpretation of this spread right now. I would like instead for any of you who are reading this blog to take the time to post YOUR interpretations of the spread, and then I'll come back with mine. Let's compare!

The Draw:
Spirit: 5 of Primordialism (Cups,) Reversed
Earth: 7 of Questing (Wands)
Air: The Hierophant, Reversed
Fire: King of Questing (Wands,) Reversed
Water: The Hanged Man, Reversed

The Associations/Keywords:
Spirit: Hope, Return, Inheritance. Water/Emotion
Earth: Valor, Development, Purpose, Courage, Energy, Perfection, Vision, Value. Fire/Ideas
Air: Gullibility, Unorthodoxy, Unconventionality.
Fire: Severity, Honesty, Subordination. Fire/Ideas
Water: Preoccupation, Arrogance, Absorption, Indecision

A Functional Return

Back in May, I posted about being back, then went silent again. My life has been pretty upside-down for a while, and I am not very good at dealing with it at times. This blog went by the wayside.

I am back at college, full time, and have a little job on the side, plus my little Etsy shop is actually generating sales every week or so, so I think I should climb back in to the blogging saddle and see if I can do you, if there are any of you left, right.

Today, I got to class early and so I picked a spread from the many I have pinned on Pinterest.com, and did a quick layout. I did not take a photo, so you'll have to use your imaginations.

Here's the layout I used, which is to be credited to Labyrinthos Academy, which is an online tarot school, apparently. They have some great spreads, and I pin their stuff all of the time, so you'll probably see them again.

So let's get to the breakdown:

The card position meanings:
1) your role in the relationship
2) your partner's role in the relationship
3) past foundation
4) current state
5) looming future

I dealt for myself:
1) The Queen of Questing (Wands,) Reversed. Fire/Idea
2) The Ace of Dynamism (Swords) Air/Action
3) The Page of Primordialism (Cups,) Reversed. Water/Emotion
4) The Five of Questing (Wands) Fire/Idea
5) The Queen of Primordialism (Cups) Water/Emotion

The keyword associations for each card:
1) Opposition, Jealousy, Chastity, Enterprise
2) Knowledge, Conquest, Victory, Clarity, Inventiveness, Originality
3) Deception, Obstacle, Inaction
4) Strife, Competition, Obstacles, Anxiety, Frustration, Freneticism, Hyperactivity
5) Imagination, Emotional Integrity, Self-Reflection, Unconscious, New Form, New Identity, New Life, Expressing Oneself Without Blame or Judgement

So now let's try to tell a story with what I was dealt. You might notice I've started to put the element and anther descriptor alongside the cards - I often point these out as I perform readings, so I thought I'd note them here.

So, for the the first position, 'your role in the relationship,' I drew the Queen of Wands in Reverse, whose keywords are Opposition, Jealousy, Chastity, and Enterprise. Remember, not every keyword association relates to every reading, so I'll discard the ones that either make no sense or are obviously contradictory to my actual current role in my relationship. I remove Chastity and Enterprise (although Enterprise may hold some bearing here, its slim, and is more of a descriptor than anything else, and I know the reading is about me, so out it goes!) and that leaves me with Opposition and Jealousy. These words are very appropriate for my current role and situation. Wands are the house of Ideas and Fire, and these also really apply here, for personal reasons I don't need to lay out in this blog.

In the second position, 'your partner's role in the relationship,' i drew the Ace of Swords, whose keywords are Knowledge, Conquest, Victory, Clarity, Inventiveness, and Originality. I'm going to toss out Knowledge, Inventiveness, and Originality, leaving me with Conquest, Victory, and Clarity. I'm biased, but due to recent events and upheavals in our life, I feel that my partner certainly feels as if he has won, (Conquest, Victory,) and he has Clarity of thought (although I see it more as tunnel vision atm.) Swords are the House of Air and Action, and I have been feeling lately that he is in the power position, and that he has the next move.

In the third position, 'past foundation,' I drew the Page of Cups, in Reverse, whose keywords are Deception, Obstacle, and Inaction. Looking at our past together, which spans nearly 13 years, I see how these keywords apply. Cups is the house of Water and Emotion, and we certainly have a long, emotion filled history, and there's been a fair share of Deception, whether it be intentional or us deceiving ourselves at times, we have had many Obstacles, more than sometimes I thought we could bear, and as for Inaction, well, we both are procrastinators and are usually reluctant to make important decisions or act upon them.

In the fourth position, 'current state,' I drew the Five of Wands, whose keywords are Strife, Competition, Obstacles, Anxiety, Frustration, Freneticism, and Hyperactivity. This card really describes things a lot, for me at least, and my view of the current state of my relationship. There is absolutely Competition, more Obstacles than I 'd like to face, I have major Anxiety about it, I'm Frustrated, he's frustrated....I'll kick out the Freneticism and Hyperactivity, as they don't really apply here so much, unless they refer to my thinking about stuff too much, paired with the Anxiety. The Wands again are the house of Fire and Ideas, and our current state is Firey and full of us and our opposing Ideas about our situation.

In the fifth and final position, 'looming future,' I drew the Queen of Cups. It is a relief to draw a card from the house of love, passion, and emotion for my 'looming future,' but let's analyse: Imagination, Emotional Integrity, Self-Reflection, Unconscious, New Form, New Identity, New Life, and Expressing Oneself Without Blame or Judgement. Each of these keyword associations can be taken in a really positive way, and even cumulatively they can be as well. It would be nice to assume the best and see only sunshine and roses, but lets look a little harder. Three of the keywords can be taken a couple of different ways: New Form, New Identity, New Life. On one hand, we can read this as renewal and rebirth of the relationship itself, but o the other hand it could be implying that each person may be seeking those things alone. If I wanted to , I could say that the keywords say that with Imagination, Emotional Integrity and Self Reflection, WE will find a New Form and Identity for our relationship, build a New, better Life, and find ways to Express Ourselves without Blame or Judgement from the other. OR, I could read it in a way that tells me I will be setting out on my own journey to find a new form, identity, and life.

Scary stuff. I am choosing to let the cards tell me to move forward with Imagination and Emotional Integrity, do some Self-Reflection, and create a New Form for my relationship along with a new Identity and Life (something I'm already trying to do by taking the reins of my life, instead of letting them dangle by the cartwheels of the chariot.)

I am choosing that because I am terrified of the alternative. This is a perfect example of using personal bias to drive our readings in one direction or another. This is why I typically don't so readings for myself, as well.

Normally, when I break down a reading here, it's a 'blind reading,' which means I just threw down cards with no intent, just to get something to work with to show you guys a layout. Unless I say so, these breakdowns will always be blind.